Increasing risks enable data analysis companies to make fortunes by interpreting information and managing risks.
Political analysts have adopted new jargon to get people to pay attention to them. Going where no bald men have gone before, they warn of a volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous (VUCA) world that might affect top lines and bottom lines, if not necklines or hemlines.
To get the whiff of prevailing sentiment, they have hired top firms, including one that until recently was in bed with a social media giant. A data analysis company run by Ivy League graduates has won the biggest contract. Since all the basic tenets of journalism has gone for a toss, the news world is nothing but a puppetry, directed by these shadowy players lurking in the background.
In this new theater of the absurd, US President Donald Trump will meet North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. Two chubby world leaders with ample girths and little control on their palates will pork through Big Macs and Coca-Cola at a livewire event to bring about world peace.
In the past, Kim had stressed out The Donald by firing off missiles in response to tweets. North Korea is poverty stricken and situation in the country is worsening thanks to US sanctions. Increasingly more and more North Koreans are feeling or trying to flee the country. Therefore, it appears that Kim is reaching out to Trump to wriggle out of a tough situation. Interestingly, Kim has previously condemned Trump as “an old lunatic, mean trickster and human reject.” The Kim-Trump meeting certainly promises to be interesting at the very least.
Even as risks of conflict remain resonant in our VUCA world, Trump and Kim gear up for an improbable love fest. To prevent the crisis being entered a new phase, the timing of the meeting might prove to be critical. An arousing welcome for President Trump, much like the one lavished upon him in Beijing during his state visit in November 2017, may sway his tweeting finger in the right direction.
It is most likely that North Korea will declare a pubic holiday during the Kim-Trump confabulations. Americans, who get a measly 14 days of vacation per year, might not have the same good luck.
As the drama in East Asia unfolds, South Asia is going through its own convulsions. A top European intelligence agency has many times stressed out the view that the region, which has a growing economy, requires more energy, fuel and water, climate and environment, transportation, defense and security, human security, access to global commons, health, global governance, trade and economy, science and technology, peace conflict, human rights and the kitchen sink.
The agency went on to observe other developments in South Asia. Leftism was wiped out from a few states in India after the opposition specifically stormed basins in contested seats. In Afghanistan, the government’s failure to provide an alternative to puppy cultivation has led to 10% of the population being affected by drug use. Meanwhile, India berated the US for not “putting pressure on Pakistan to shut its safe heavens for terrorists,” accusing it for real and contrived acts of terrorism.
Some forms of terrorism took a leaf out of Pussy Riot in Russia. They have embarked on what India calls romantic terrorism. Apparently, a naked assault of local women led to massive heartburn among the native population.
A local teacher-turned-gorilla fighter is trying to stem this tide by reinstating virtue. His solution is inspired by American Republicans in the Deep South, where people are standing up with grace and conviction to the senseless loss of lives at the hands of guns, a longstanding and unresolved tragedy. While the US has a mental health issue that it has failed to resolve, weekly outreach services in Kashmir distribute safe injection packages, condoms and test kids for HIV and hepatitis C. Meanwhile, only some of the girls in the romantic terrorist coffers have been released and parents are praying for a love jihad to set them free.
For all the activity in Asia, the European agency is most concerned about the Middle East, the source of refugees and migrants, in multi-directions, to the land of reason, democracy and human rights. This influx of new people is making the common masses turn to far-right populists. Some say the only answer to this radicalization is civic education both in Europe and in the Middle East. However, the Western way of life and education is very obviously frowned upon by groups like Boko Haram in the Africa and ISIS in the Middle East. So, it might be hard to conduct such education outside Europe.
The West might not be able to make love, but it can always go to war. It is taking on radicals in the Middle East. However, as the fight between the West and local radicals intensifies, some former allies are turning away. A Shite militia leader stationed in Kirkuk, having previously fought with the Irish Republican Army before converting to Islam, called upon the West to finally withdraw from the region.
This could create more problems for the ongoing war on terror. Furthermore, it would jeopardize the US push against Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guardian Corps’ growing influence across the Middle East. Even as the threat of retaliation from rebels’ conventional weapons remains, the West’s war for the hearts and minds of local populations using data mining on social media is gaining momentum.
As VUCA slowly gains ground in the great Western capitals, revenues, profits and valuations of data analysis companies continue to rise. Their executives claim that their technologies are like a hot knife that cuts through butter in this brave new world. Some doubt these executives, but data analysis is bound to be the toast of the town as people seek to manage risks in a VUCA world.
*[You have been fake-newsed. This piece is compiled from typos and mistakes made by our editors and contributors throughout the year. It would have been a shame not to share the fun we’ve had working on correcting these. Happy April Fools’ Day.]
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