Colorado politician teaches a youngster how to create the belief that what’s fake is actually true.
TODAY’S 3D DEFINITION: SHOWN
There is a very common expression used by politicians and writers of opinion pieces: “it has been shown that…”
Colorado’s state senator, Vicki Marble, recently shut down an 11-year-old boy scout, Ames Mayfield, who, responding to an appeal “to come prepared to talk to state senator Vicki Marble about issues important to them,” brought up the question of gun control. She notably informed him that “it has been shown that the more guns a society has, the less crime or murders are committed.”
Here is its 3D definition:
1. the past participle of the verb show
2. a key ingredient of the expression, “it has been shown that…” which indicates that somebody, somewhere made a public claim for something that is so counter-intuitive and demonstrably false that only an appeal to an unnamed supposed authority will serve to make the speaker’s point and end the conversation.
Senator Marble, not content merely to cite an unverified authority, added some other cogent arguments, such as, “That’s a great question and I am really very aware of those statistics. And I have a concealed carry permit. I shoot. And all my sons shoot.” The obvious conclusion is that it’s possible to be aware of statistics and not to allow them to have any influence on one’s own decisions. She also implies that boys who ask great questions might be advised to spend more time shooting so as to better understand the question of gun rights and eventually even rise to the level of her sons.
And to bring the point home she reminds the youngster that in Africa there are lions and gazelles. Apparently “it has been shown that” lions are predators of gazelles. Which clearly explains why gazelles should have the right to own Kalashnikovs and AR-15s.
There actually is one totally debunked pseudo-academic paper that uses dubious statistics and false historical references to draw the conclusions Senator Marble mentions. Its existence as a published paper fully justifies her claim that what she says has been literally “shown.” Or as they say on Broadway, “the shown must go on.”
*[In the age of Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde, another American wit, the journalist Ambrose Bierce, produced a series of satirical definitions of commonly used terms, throwing light on their hidden meanings in real discourse. Bierce eventually collected and published them as a book, The Devil’s Dictionary, in 1911. We have shamelessly appropriated his title in the interest of continuing his wholesome pedagogical effort to enlighten generations of readers of the news.]
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